


Friends

by Shirohime



Series: Demons all around us [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Agoraphobia, Anxiety Disorder, Coping, Eating Disorders, Gen, Learning coping skills, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, References to Depression, Relapse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-08 23:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12875430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohime/pseuds/Shirohime
Summary: Castiel falls and has to learn to stand back up





	Friends

Sometimes your own mind can be a very dark place. 

Shadows and words crowding in spaces entirely too small, giving way for headaches and crying fits that'll leave you physically aching in exhaustion. 

Castiel knew that. 

He knew a lot. 

About bees and Elvis, the growth rate of trees and human history. 

Castiel knew about chronic genetic diseases, plaguing those who had them with no hope for a cure, just a quick death. 

He also knew about basically every human sickness that physically affected their hosts, from common colds to deadly cancer. 

And Castiel knew close to everything about mental disorders. 

He knew the common therapy to treat certain problems, knew coping skills and how unhealthy each disorder was and how some could end deadly for the person experiencing them. 

He knew that for some there wasn't any help in form of therapy or medication and was pretty upset about how unfair that was. 

Castiel had read about recovery, had seen quick and agonizingly slow processes and that there was no set time one was supposed to be all fine from a mental sickness. 

He had read about how happy the survivors were to be alive. About how alive they looked and how their life was all unicorns and rainbows now or even just void of ugly habits. 

None of that helped him get better or stop his fall. 

He was jealous of the ones who found their way out, jealous and frustrated about how they overcame their suffering and whenever he realized what he'd thought about he felt sick that he would ever want someone not to recover. 

He did. Castiel found it endearing and incredibly heartwarming to see others get better, see them get courage and happiness into their fingers. He'd never want anyone to suffer. 

But it was their recovery that made him realize how fucked up he was. 

How he couldn't find the energy to talk to others,couldn't eat even when he was aware he needed the nutrition.

How he had been stuck here longer than most of the others and there was no discharge in sight for him. 

Logically, Castiel chided himself for having such thoughts; this wasnt supposed to go away in 2 days. Nobody expected him to get better in any other speed than his own. 

Emotionally, he couldn't cope. 

There were days when he withdrew from reality so much he wouldn't reply to anyone, let alone react, just to escape the pain settling in his chest. 

There were days when Castiel managed to laugh with Charlie and eat something on his own. 

There were days he couldn't see all the baby steps he'd made and days he was perfectly aware of it and proud of himself. 

But it was wearing him out. 

Castiel had been progressively gotten more withdrawn in the past weeks, he knew he had, and the staff was beginning to worry. 

He himself found it hard to even breathe, lately he had refused to leave the bed, panic drumming through him, leaving him shivering physically from tension. 

Castiel couldn't stop overthinking even when asleep and crying in hopelessness hadn't been unusual recently. 

It was hard for the raven haired male to pay focus to any words offered to him by nurses and therapists and the only words that stuck with him were Charlie's and Dean's. 

They had been given permission to visit Castiel in his room, Charlie each day and Dean only when he agreed to have a therapy session afterwards to prevent relapse. 

Charlie had brought Castiel a pair of fluffy yellow socks with black colored toes because 'they look like bees'. 

Dean wasn't that good with words but he would tell Castiel about his day and how Sam had saved a bumblebee from being hit with a shoe.

When they were there, Castiel found the tension ease, muscles trembling sorely, found small smiles tug at his lips when Dean messed up another joke. 

Charlie fell asleep next to him once and when she woke up and found the other holding his breath, nails dug into the skin of his thighs in an attempt to not let anyone see his panic, she talked him into imagining someone there. Someone he found safe, even if it only was a fish. Kind of like an imaginary friend. 

Castiel had whimpered at first, confused and overwhelmed but soon enough succumbed to the redheads gentle words, imagining a corgi that he named Gabriel (he'd never admit it but secretly Cas thought of the dirty blonde as his friend). 

Corgi-Gabriel helped Cas when he was alone, especially at night. 

At first it seemed to worry his therapist further, but Castiel made it clear he knew that it was not real and simply a way of coping. 

It took over a month- and a lot of unwavering love from Charlie - for Castiel to drag himself out of the darkness he'd fallen into.

Gabriel found it hilarious to find out about Corgi-Gabe but didn't make fun of it, simply showing his acceptance by sitting next to Cas at Lunch. 

When the shorter one didn't even attempt to steal the raven's food, Cas realized that not only Dean and Charlie had been worrying about his behavior. 

His fear of people had roared its ugly head during the selfisolation and even though Cas felt worse than before, he was calm with the knowledge that he wouldn't be left behind by his friends. 

He still wasn't sure if he could do this. 

But he thought maybe giving it a try wasn't going to be so bad when surrounded by such helpful and kind people. 


End file.
